The Empty Nest

When our children are young, we put so much energy into raising them, and having them grow into healthy, independent, and self-sufficient adults, that it's hard to believe one day they will be leaving home to start a life of their own. Even though we all know that day will eventually happen, it's a bittersweet time in a parent's life. We finally have freedom, and the house to ourselves, but when we have it staring us in the face, we're not sure if we want that at all. My son had the same feelings, he said he was looking forward to living on his own, but he wasn't sure if he really wanted to leave and be that responsible yet. Face it, living at home and having some else cooking and clean for you is a pretty cushy proposition. I knew for a year that my son, who was the last one living at home with me, out of three children, was leaving to go to a university. For that year, every time I thought about it, or someone would ask me about it I would become emotional. Because I prepared myself, when the day actually did arrive I was better able to cope with it. It's never easy. I would think back to the milestones I shared with my children...oops there I go...I'm tearing up...their first words, steps, haircuts, the disappointments, joys and accomplishments,even the first time that they told me they hated me (I knew they didn't mean it). I remember when it felt like such work and I thought, "When will they grow up?" It's all a blur to me, and the work doesn't feel like work to me now. What was I thinking back then? Oh...thank God for hindsight. My ex-husband used to complain about their backpacks at the bottom of the stairs, and I would say, "Some day there won't be any backpacks there, and you'll wish there were." That day is finally here, and I miss the backpacks, their dishes in the sink, and yelling at them to hurry in the morning. Yes, I miss it all! Now the mess is all mine, and there is no one to complain about. (Uh oh, my keyboard is getting all wet) Now, I look forward to every precious minute that I'm able to spend with them. I love having them over for dinner and sharing their life with them. It's no work at all, it's a privilege, and a blessing. And...one that I thank God for everyday. My children are all self-sufficient young adults and I am a proud parent. Mission accomplished! These are tears of joy!

This is my advice to young parents, enjoy every moment with your babies, small children, and teenagers because in a blink of an eye, they will be all grown up.

Is There Life after a Foreclosure?

Times are currently uncertain, retail sales are low, gas is up, and homes are being repossessed everywhere you look. There are two properties across the street from me that have signs on them, one reads bank owned, and the other, foreclosure. A lot of homeowners either have neg-am loans, second mortgages or equity lines of credit that were taken out when real estate was booming. Now homeowners are faced with the fact that their homes aren't worth as much as they owe. Deciding to let a home go is not an easy one. Let's face it, "letting go" is difficult especially when there is ego involved! There are so many psychological factors, stress, feelings of failure, depression, and lack of motivation for the future are just a few. But, are there any silver linings in the midst of all of the gloom and doom? Actually there can be blessings in disguise. I have a friend that was recently faced with an enormous decision. She lost her job and fell three payments behind on her mortgage. Should she keep trying to hang on to a home that isn't worth what she payed for it, or let the bank take it? She was suffering from stress related illnesses, depression, anxiety, and physical ailments, and had lost her health insurance. Examining her priorities, health (mental and physical) being at the top of the list, she made a courageous decision and decided to "let go". Notice that I didn't say give up. Since making her decision there has been a huge improvement in her outlook on life, and her future. She's now ready to make a fresh start. In hind sight she now realizes that she was never happy in her house or in the town where she lived. She is moving back to her hometown, closer to supportive friends and family, starting a new job, and has had her eyes opened up to new possibilities. It reminds me of how nature takes care of itself, a forest catches on fire, burns to the ground and renews itself, new growth and a rebirth take place. For her, the silver lining is that she has cleared the slate and has a new lease on life. When things look bleak there are always two ways to look at things, positively or negatively. What have you got to lose choosing a positive outlook? Nothing, in fact you have everything to gain.

Divorce, Children, and the Family Home

What happens to the sense of "home" for children when there is a divorce? Some couples choose to have one of the spouses stay in the family home, but in most cases each spouse moves to a new residence. Not all couples can afford to keep the family home, they just don't have the resources to be able to do that. It is not necessary, for the well being of the children, to do so. There are a lot of other factors that come into play when deciding what is best for the children. First of all, we have to define what is it that makes a home? Is it the house itself, the dwelling in which memories were made? Is it the family within the house? What happens then when the family is being torn apart? I believe it is "Love" that makes a family feel at home. It doesn't matter what house they reside in, as long as children feel a sense of love and belonging, they can still feel at home. If each parent lets their child know that they are always welcome, and that they always have a special spot in their heart and in their home, children will feel a sense of home, family, and belonging. Children need to know that they will always be welcomed in whichever home they visit their parent in, or that they themselves live in with their parent. Spouses may remarry or cohabitate with new partners, but children should always be made to feel that they still have a place in the home, if not physical, certainly an emotional space. There is the saying, "Home is where the heart is", that is not just a cliche, there is a lot of wisdom in that statement. The Dean Martin song comes to mind, "Memories are made of this". The song goes like this; With his blessings from above, serve it generously with love, one man, one wife, one love through life, memories are made of this. When there is a divorce the children are the one love through life that endures. As parents, we shape their memories, and it is our duty, to do it generously...through love.

Portuguese Sweetbread

Portuguese Sweetbread
(Massa Sovada)

Ingredients:
2 tablespoons dry yeast (2 packages)
1/4 cup warm water, lukewarm
7 cups bread flour
1 teaspoon salt
5 eggs
1 cup warm milk
6 tablespoons melted butter
1-1/4 cup sugar
Preparation: Combine the yeast, water and a pinch of sugar. Set aside to rise. Sift the flour and salt together in a bowl and set aside. Beat 4 eggs in a small bowl and set aside. Combine the warm milk and butter in a large bowl. Beat in the sugar. Add the yeast, then the beaten eggs and stir until well blended. Add six cups of flour, one cup at a time, mixing as each cup is added. When the dough is well mixed it should be soft and wet. Place dough on a flat surface and knead for 10 minutes, adding the remaining cup of flour as the dough and surface become sticky. Be careful to knead the dough in a consistent manner. Place the dough into a greased bowl and cover with a towel. Let dough rise rise in a cool spot until it has doubled in bulk. This should take at least three hours. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Push the dough down and knead lightly. Divide dough into four equal parts and form each into a round shape. Place each loaf on a greased baking sheet and allow to rise again until double in size. Beat the remaining egg and gently baste the loaves. Bake for about 30-45 minutes until golden brown.

Aromas from the kitchen evoke sweet childhood memories

Some of my most special memories of my childhood are linked to certain aromas from the kitchen. On Sunday mornings my dad would make a big breakfast, eggs, bacon, potatoes (crinkly fries dipped in egg yolks...mmm), toast and orange juice. Sunday nights my mom would make roast beef, mashed potatoes and gravy, and peas...one of my favorite childhood meals. I used to like to mix it all together and make a big mountain on my plate. Sometimes my dad would make a big pot of Chili or homemade soup. I loved the aromas that came out of my kitchen on the weekends. I looked forward to them.
My maternal grandmother was an excellent baker and cook. She was Portuguese, born and raised in the Hawaiian islands. My favorite times of the year were anytime she made Portuguese Sweetbread! I loved going over to her house (she lived next door) and seeing all the loaves of bread, buns, and twisted rolls laying out on her table. The aroma in that kitchen was indescribable. She would make the dough one day, get up in the middle of the night several times to punch it down, and bake the bread the next. It truly was an act of love on her part. Christmas and Easter were traditional times for her to make her bread, and that was just as exciting to me as presents, or an Easter basket. Our traditional Christmas breakfast consisted of fried eggs, Linquica,Vinha d' alhos(a marinated pork), and Sweetbread. I was in heaven. I loved to toast my bread and put butter on it, with nothing else. I also liked her twisted rolls that had sugar on them. I have such fond memories of my grandmother and her cooking. I associate family, love, and nurturing with the food that my grandmother prepared. She put a lot of love into everything she cooked. We had big family meals in her dining room. Most of her meals would include white rice, which she always had a fresh pot of. My favorite "grandma meals" were, fish and rice (fish with a red sauce), corned beef and rice (canned corned beef in a tomato based sauce with potatoes and peas served over the rice), and Lentil soup. The meals would end with a pot of tea, home made cake, and conversation. It was a wonderful way to come together as a family. I inherited my love for cooking from her. Cooking and entertaining my friends and family are the way that I show my love for them. My memories of my childhood and the family kitchen are sweet ones. I only hope that my own children's, and grandchildren (wishful thinking here) memories are just as precious as the one's that I have of my own childhood.